21.5.800 Challenge Day 2

It's Day 2 of the 21.5.800 Challenge and I am still here. Today was hard. I am exhausted and didn't restorative sleep last night. So I woke up later this morning and didn't have time to workout, do yoga, or write. But, I did do it when I got home, so I get a gold star for effort. I did a yoga DVD that I have at home (Stress Relief Yoga for Beginners). I was challenging. I felt fat and inflexible. And to top it off...Gess was sick and vomiting upstairs while I was trying to practice. I think that my lesson for this may be that I need to do yoga at the gym without Beauty or Gessner to interrupt.

Writing was okay today. I am angry and that is what I wrote about. I am hoping that giving that anger a voice will help me get through it.

Day 1 of the 21.5.800 Challenge

Today is Day 1 of the 21.5.800 Yoga/Writing Challenge and I'm happy to report that I made it. I know that doing things first thing in the morning is the best way to ensure that I do them. This is why working out regularly works best for me when I drag myself out of bed early and just get it done. I also like to start my day off on a good foot.

So, first thing this morning I got up and decided to do my challenge. I read Bindu Wiles blog post about the savasana pose. She urges: "If you are fried, hate yoga, have several children under the age of three, just had a root canal, are exhausted, and/or are energetically behind the eight-ball in every way, PLEASE DO SAVASANA FOR THE 21 DAYS. I promise you the pose will do it’s magic." I fit in the category of friend and exhausted, so I decided to give this a try.

I turned on the meditation music she recommended and got into the savasana (or corpse) pose. I started to relax but could hear my dog wandering around, probably trying to figure out what I am doing laying on the floor! I ignore her, hoping that she will go away, but the next thing I know she drops a toy on my lap. I ignore it, but she persists and puts another toy in my hand. I relent and sit up to play with her for a few minutes...she is just too cute to ignore! I play for about five minutes and try to pose again...no luck. Up I go...maybe a walk will help. It was a beautiful day and Beauty thoroughly enjoyed the walk. She did a lot of rolling, which she is in the habit of doing and I have gotten lax in stopping her since her cancer came back. We stopped at our favorite espresso stand and then headed up. The walk was nice. Sunny, coffee, and a cute beagle. What more can a girl ask for?

Back on the floor, corpse pose. Beauty was still intrigued, but instead of burying me in toys, she just found a spot on the floor next to me. Music on, timer set, Beauty less annoying. One thing that I noticed while I was doing the pose was how tense I am. Even when I am purposefully trying to relax, I struggle. I realized that my left shoulder was hiked up toward my ear and my jaw was clenched. I tried to relax those and focus on my breath.

The one thought that kept occurring to me during this time was self-criticism for not being able to relax correctly! Surely this is not a way to relax. I am hopeful that this challenge will help me both learn to relax and stop being so self-critical.

On to writing...I did write immediately. I showered and did a few other things before heading to a coffee shop to write. I like to write in cafes and book stores. I like the noise as long as it is just a lull...it helps me concentrate. Today I decided to just write "morning pages" ala Julia Cameron.

One of the things that hit me during this writing session is how afraid I am a failure. More on this to come...

21.5.800 Challenge

I'm joining Bindu Wiles and a bunch of others around the web for the 21.5.800 challenge starting June 8th. This challenge includes doing yoga 5 days a week and writing 800 words per day. I will blog about my experiences. I'm looking forward to the extra push to write daily and practice yoga frequently. Stay tuned! Better yet, join me HERE.

Hometown

I was filling out a form yesterday and had to write in my "hometown." I immediately wrote in Yakima, Washington, which is where I grew up and lived for 17 years of my life. But as I started thinking about it, I definitely do not consider Yakima "home." In fact, I pretty much hate Yakima. I still have family there so I visit from time to time, but I don't like it. I get so stressed when I am there. It is not home. Seattle is my home. I absolutely love it here. Where is your home?

Setting Goals

I am in a goal-setting, life-exploring, ready-for-change mode. One area that has been a big struggle for me is my weight. I used to look good. I look back at pictures from college and wonder what happened to me--how I let this happen. I realize that a lot has happened and I can't beat myself up about it...but it is hard. So...I am working on it. And a big part of that is setting goals. My goals are related to both my weight and athletic performance. So....drum roll please....

1) I will weigh 145 pounds and

2) I will complete an Ironman

That's it :)

Can't stop thinking...

...about this scarf. Totally making it. Totally.

from Brooklyn Tweed

DONE!!!

I finished my MBA coursework yesterday. Yippee!!! Now what????

Pass the duct tape please

The good news: I went to a track workout tonight! And I didn't cry! Yay! I went slow and didn't go very far, but I went. It is hard to get back into it. And there are some AMAZING athletes on my team who run circles around me.

My coach asked me what happened (why I haven't been to workouts) and my immediate response was that my life fell apart and it is true. I feel like my life has fallen apart. I don't talk about it a lot on this blog, but my husband has cystic fibrosis. The last year and a half or so have been really difficult and he just can't seem to get better. I feel like we are walking on a tight-rope with his health and it's a scary place to be. My career has also been through a transition period. I lost my job almost a year ago and I haven't found a full-time job yet. It ended up working out well so that I could deal with my husband's hospitalizations and also be there for my father when he was dealing with cancer. But, it has been rough on me mentally. I am working part-time now and doing some interesting work, but it just isn't the same. I am scared that I haven't been able to find something yet, but on the other hand, I am also scared that if I did find a great opportunity that it would be too hard to do with all of the other stuff going on.

So yeah...life has been messy...and there are days when I am a complete mess. But I am trying to put things back together. So, pass the duct tape and let's go!

A rough road...

I will admit it. Things have been really rough. I don't want to whine or make excuses, but I am struggling and really just tired. So...I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for better days soon.

Edward Worthington Sr.

Edward C. (Ed) Worthington Sr.

YAKIMA - After a short, valiant battle with lung cancer, Edward C. (Ed) Worthington Sr. succumbed on March 22, 2010 at Willow Springs. He was born in Yakima September 11, 1940 to Glenn Worthington and Belle Smith Worthington. He attended school in Yakima and enlisted in the Marine Corps after high school. Ed had several jobs after the Marine Corps. He worked as a roofer and as a chemical dependency counselor. His favorite job was working with disabled adults. Ed loved to fish and camp. He volunteered at Camp Primetime. He was close to his family and especially loved his grandchildren. Ed is survived by his loving wife Sherry and sons Robert (Bea) of New Mexico, Ronald (Deanna), David (Danielle), both of Yakima, Edward Jr. of Toledo, WA, daughters Lisa Worthington Brown (Mike) of Seattle, Della (R.D.) Osborne and Mary of Yakima. Ed is also survived by two sisters, Kathleen (Jim) Martin and Lora Urvina both of Yakima, and a brother Jim Worthington of Auburn, WA. Ed is also survived by many grandchildren, nieces and nephews. There will be no funeral services but family and friends are invited to a gathering to celebrate Ed's life at 12:00 noon Friday, March 26, 2010 at the LDS Stake Center, 705 S. 38th Ave.

Ed was preceded in death by his parents and infant son Brian.

Which events?

So now that my legs are cooperating, I need to decide what events I want to train for this year. I still really want to do a marathon, but am scared to register now because I am afraid that I will jinx my legs. I would also like to do at least one triathlon...maybe Seafair sprint. A friend of mine is going to do her first triathlon this year, so I said I would do that event. What else? I want this to be an awesome year!!! Decisions, decisions, decisions...

First Track Workout

Last year I decided to join a triathlon group and get some help with my running...well, my shins did not cooperate, so I didn't get to do as much as a wanted. Now, post-surgery, I am joining up with the group again. Tonight was the first track workout of the year for TNMultisports and I was so happy to be there! It was a great turnout...the team is big! I was a slow as molasses, but I was there, and my shins DID NOT hurt! I can't tell you how excited I am! I was nervous when I started knowing that I would be really slow and scared that the pain would be back...but I talked myself out of that and tried to relax. So, about 3 miles tonight (1 jogging at a snail's pace and 2 walking) in the books. Yay!

Thanks Teresa for hanging in there with me and my injuries and a HUGE thanks to Dr. Brian Perry who took my pain seriously and kept at it until we found out what was going on. Jogging without pain is a new experience--one that I could definitely get used to!

Here's to an athletic 2010!!

My New Toy...

...I mean training tool :)

Can't wait to give this bad boy a try!! This is a Garmin Forerunner 310xt Mutli-Sport Training Device with Heart Rate Monitor.

11 Years Ago...

I said "I do" to a wonderful man :)

MBA progress

Credits Required for Graduation

Content Requirements	Credits Required	Credits Applied	Credits Remaining
REQUIRED	36	27	9
Total	36	27	9

That's right...9 credits left--three more classes :)

Bad Blogger

I have been a very bad blogger, I know. But things have just been crazy (and unfortunately not in a good way). My husband and I both got the swine flu. Yep. The swine flu. I wasn't tested (my doctor said it was the swine flu based on my symptoms and the fact that H1N1 is what is going around). But, my husband was tested and it came back positive for H1N1. It is unlikely that we had different flus, so I am positive that I had the swine flu. Luckily I got on Tamiflu and some herbal tea from my nautropath and am much better. Gess is feeling better too. He has a cold now and is on IV antibiotics, so hopefully he will get better instead of sicker.

In other news...I went to a CF fundraiser on Saturday night and had a great time. I met a friend of a friend and we luckily got along very well. She is a lot of fun. The fundraiser was a huge success as far as I could tell. I am waiting to hear the official numbers, but I am sure that it raised a lot of money for the CFF!

School is going fine...only 4 more classes and I am finished with my MBA! Can't wait!

Beauty is doing fine...nothing new on her front. She is spoiled and silly like always.

I haven't done anything crafty in awhile and I hope to remedy that very soon! I will blog and post pictures as soon as I do.

I need your help!!!

I am doing a project for my MBA class and need to get this survey filled out. It needs to be filled out by MEN....so if you are a guy, PLEASE fill this out for me. If you are female, please get your male friends/spouse/SO/brother/dad, etc. to fill it out for me. I REALLY appreciate it!!

http://surveys.polldaddy.com/s/D59358266EB1ACE6/

Thanks!!!

Update on my dad and visit to Yakima

It has been just under 2 months since my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I really can't believe that it has only been that long...it seems like several months have passed. I think that is just because so much drama has happened here. Anyway, I decided that since things have calmed down just a bit at home, I decided to make a quick trip over to Yakima to see my dad and take him to his treatment.

He is doing radiation five days a week and then chemo on Wednesdays, so I came for a chemo day. I came over last night since he needed to be at the center at 8:30 am. The ride was beautiful, I forgot how beautiful Yakima can be. I think that part of it is that I have such negative emotions attached to this place. But if I look at it more objectively, it can actually be a rather beautiful place...the city itself not so much, but the drive up here is pretty amazing.

Last night I had dinner with an old friend, and had a really nice time. I miss chatting with her. It was so nice to see her, looking happy and healthy. She was given a "terminal" cancer diagnosis in 1997. So glad that they were wrong!!

I didn't sleep well, maybe it was because of worrying about being in Yakima, or maybe just my insomnia hanging on...so this morning came a bit too early. Thankfully I did have time to find a Starbucks (and the very handy new Starbucks iPhone app that located the nearest stores for me).

I picked my dad up and wasn't quite sure what to expect. He is now on full-time O2 (2 liters). I think that the biggest difference was the weight he has lost...29 pounds since I last saw in him September, 29 pounds that he didn't have to lose to begin with. Other than that, he looks pretty good. I think that he is losing some of his hair, but he is 69 years old, so it doesn't look necessarily odd or out of place.

First stop was blood work, then in to see the oncologist. My dad was his normal joking self when the nurse came in. She was a new nurse to him, so he started out with his joke routine. I nearly fell out of my chair when I heard the word "penis" come out of his mouth...but fortunately the nurse didn't seem to mind or be offended :)

The oncologist told dad that he needed to gain some weight (told him that he looked like he could be in a holocaust movie). I didn't particularly like this doctor. He didn't introduce himself to me or ask who I was. He gave us very little information and I really didn't get to ask any questions. He even prescribed a new medication but didn't tell us. He just handed it to the nurse for her to get it. I don't know if this is normal protocol for this doctor or what, but I know that if I were there regularly I would either get a new doctor or have some words :)

Anyway...after that unhelpful exercise we went into the infusion room. This was the first time that I have actually been in one of those rooms. I have caught a glimpse of the infusion room at the Polyclinic several times as went to my allergist, but have never been in one. So, that was an experience. I also realized when I got inside that it was likely the room where my aunt died a couple of years ago. She was diagnosed with cancer and went in for her first chemo treatment and then died during that first treatment. I am not sure why it never occurred to me before I went there.

Dad handled the chemo procedure well. This was his 5th chemo treatment, so he has been down the road before. It was just obvious from some of the other patients that they didn't tolerate it as well. Dad's sister came for a bit and we chatted a bit, and then she went to help Dad's wife set up a new bed for Dad (he can't sleep in his regular bed because of his "wound" from the radiation). Dad slept a bit during, and I did a little knitting. The treatment last about 4 hours total I think. After his infusion was completed, the nurse came by and changed his PICC dressing.

Then over to the radiation suite. Luckily this center has everything in the same building...the doctor's offices, the infusion suites, the radiation area, etc. It is decorated like a lodge with "log-esque" furniture and fake creek outside. A bit cheesy to me, but nice that they really tried to make it a comfortable place for the patients. It was busy and there were many "sick" people there, but it definitely didn't have that sterile "sick" feel. It was quiet and a bit peaceful. Which I think is really great. I wish more medical facilities paid attention to aesthetics. I know that medicine is the primary purpose, but other things are important for healing too.

Anyway...we had quite awhile to wait before the radiation treatment, so my dad told me a bunch of stories. We had been estranged for quite a long time (he was an alcoholic and left my mom when I was 7 and then he basically disappeared until I was 17. I tried to let him in, but couldn't deal with it, so haven't had much contact with him. Some letters, a couple of visits, but not much. But I think that I have finally let go of a lot of that stuff). So, he was telling me a lot of stories that I have never heard. Fortunately this time the stories were not the hard to hear type.

Finally he went to radiation and I picked up his prescription at the pharmacy. The radiation is really quick and so we were able to go home. He was tired, but I think that he didn't want to lay down because I was there. I talked for a bit, but then told him that I needed to go so that he can get some rest. I will go back by in the morning before I head out of town.

All-in-all that was a pretty good visit. But I am definitely looking forward to going back to Seattle tomorrow! Had a good visit with my grandmother too (but that is probably for another blog...I need to get to sleep!).

Great clip!

My dear friend Clane is an amazing photographer (I know, I say this a lot, but it is true!). Here is a recent clip from Evening Magazine where he talks about his charity work with families affected by CF. Watch it!! It's not long, and I know that it will touch you!! Go HERE!

Tune in...

To Evening Magazine tomorrow night (Thursday) at 7:00 to see my buddy Clane Gessel talk about his charity work with families affected by CF. His work is amazing, so evening if you aren't in Seattle or aren't affected by CF, check him out HERE.

Here's a pic from his most recent Shoot for a Cure shoot.